i actually expected these all the time. i have this idea that i do one incredibly stupid thing every day i spend very tired, and while this is not technically true, the fact that i've been incredibly tired every single day here and this is the first critical failure is very surprising to me. really, it was just a poor phrasing; one word out of place, one very critical word, and it's amazing how that can change lives. but it does. anyway, enough crypticism.
then i went home and expected my mom to at least at some point be happy for the good news. and she wasn't. we talked about it for 2 hours and i was obviously very excited and she didn't smile once, just talked about things i really ought to consider, et cetera, et cetera. but that's okay. i don't need the support from her, which is a good thing. and i'm leaving soon, probably. which is also a good thing. day ten was certainly a psychological setback, but i didn't fall off the cliff, and now that the end is firmly in sight i'm going with plan b, exit strategy, instead of plan a, fix my mom. it's better for me, and who knows if plan a would have made a difference to her anyway.
and i'm too stressed and underslept to be caring right now anyway. talk about not fit for a relationship -- i can't care about someone as much as one needs to in a relationship,; i just don't have the RAM. fortunately, this will not last past my stay here; when i get to california, looki'll be capable of being a caring person again, i'm sure of it. which is not to say that i'll be on the prowl or anything. but anyway, enough navel-gazing. day ten.
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