holidays have always played an interesting role in my life. i've never celebrated them; my childhood did not have anything remotely resembling a commemoration of holidays family-style, perhaps largely because it didn't have anything remotely resembling a family. but for the past several years, they've provided milestones, a chance to take stock of what the last revolution around the sun has changed.
and this is an interesting comp, because 12 months ago, i was pretty miserable. i was in the midst of a nervous breakdown (which lasted several months, in the end), and just very, very unhappy. certainly there were moments of joy, but i distinctly remember feeling that life was just in this horrible state and there's nothing i could do about it. i think around this time was when i started going to work only erratically; when i started to lose many many days to lying in bed.
and 12 months later, that's not happening any more. and certainly i think it's been a net win over this time. but at the same time, the key bit, the relationship bit, has gone from 1 to 0. and to be quite honest, this has always swamped other evaluations (unhealthily so, needless to say), and so it's hard not to see things as a step back, even if my now non-relationship with the person in question is clearly (?) healthier and happier than the relationship at the time. (you could make an argument that the odds of us getting married have gone up in the last 12 months, although it would be a largely theoretical and unprovable one.)
and, of course, work is better (this would almost have to be true given that i still have my job), and life is overall pretty decent even if i did just have a lost week (though not lost to lying in bed, which is something), and even if that bit is still in the wrong place. we'll see what the next holiday's evaluation brings.
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